7 Mistakes You’re Making with Your Domestic Violence Restraining Order (and How to Fix Them)

Deciding to file for a Domestic Violence Restraining Order (DVRO) is one of the hardest, most gut-wrenching steps a person can take. It’s often the culmination of months or years of fear, and the legal process that follows can feel like running an obstacle course while you’re already exhausted.

At The Gorski Firm, we see people in Bakersfield making the same critical errors time and time again, not because they aren't smart, but because the California legal system is cold, technical, and moves at a breakneck pace. When your safety (and the safety of your kids) is on the line, there is zero room for "oops."

If you are navigating the domestic violence legal process in Kern County, you need to know the pitfalls before you fall into them. Here are the seven most common mistakes people make with their DVROs and exactly how to fix them.

1. Waiting Too Long to File

One of the biggest hurdles in a California DVRO case is the "immediacy" of the threat. We often see people wait weeks or even months after an incident to file the paperwork. They might be trying to "work things out" or hoping the behavior was a one-time thing.

The Mistake: If the last incident happened three months ago and you are just now filing, a judge might look at your application and ask, "If you were in so much danger, why did you wait 90 days?" In other words, the evidence becomes "stale."

The Fix: File as soon as possible after an incident of abuse, harassment, or stalking. If there is a delay, you must explain why in your declaration, perhaps you were in a shelter, you were afraid of retaliation, or you were incapacitated. Don't let the passage of time undermine your need for protection.

2. Being Too Vague in Your Declaration

When you fill out form DV-100 (the request for a restraining order), there is a section for your "declaration." This is your story. Many people write things like, "He was mean to me" or "She keeps harassing me."

The Mistake: Vague language doesn't give a judge enough "factual basis" to grant an order. Judges in Bakersfield see dozens of these a day; they need specifics to distinguish a bad argument from a dangerous situation.

The Fix: Be graphic and specific. Use dates, times, and exact quotes. Instead of saying "he threatened me," say, "On Tuesday, May 5th, at 6:00 PM, he stood over me in the kitchen and said, 'If you leave this house, I’ll make sure you never see the kids again.'" Mention if weapons were involved or if there is a history of law enforcement being called. California law now also recognizes "coercive control," so include details about financial abuse or isolation as well.

3. Missing a Hearing

In California, once you file your DVRO request, a judge usually reviews it the same day or the next day and decides whether to make temporary orders. At this stage, the court will set a contested hearing date.

The Mistake: Thinking the paperwork is "enough" and failing to show up or be available at the contested hearing.

The Fix: When you file your papers and are given a court date, be there.

4. Reaching Out to the Restrained Party

This is arguably the most common mistake and the biggest "credibility killer" in family court.

The Mistake: After getting a restraining order, the protected person sends a text saying, "I only did this because I’m hurt," or "Can we talk about the kids?"

The Fix: Stop all contact immediately. If you have an order that says the other person must stay 100 yards away and have "no contact," but you are the one texting them, you are sending a signal to the court that you aren't actually afraid. When you get to your permanent hearing, the other party's lawyer will show those texts to the judge to prove the order isn't necessary. If you need to discuss child custody, do it through your attorneys or a court-approved app like OurFamilyWizard.

5. Improper Service of Papers

A restraining order is not enforceable until the other person has been "served."

The Mistake: Thinking you can just mail the papers to them or hand them the documents yourself. You cannot serve your own restraining order. If the "Proof of Service" (Form DV-200) isn't filed correctly, the judge cannot move forward with a permanent hearing, and your temporary order might expire.

The Fix: You must have someone over 18 who is not involved in the case hand the papers to the restrained party. In Bakersfield, you can use a professional process server or the Kern County Sheriff’s Civil Professional Division. Once they are served, make sure the Proof of Service is filed with the court immediately.

6. Not Bringing Evidence to the Permanent Hearing

The Temporary Restraining Order (TRO) only lasts to the day of the first hearing. If the first hearing gets continued, the court typically will continue the TRO. To get a "Permanent" order (which can last up to five years), you have to go to a full hearing and prove your case.

The Mistake: Showing up to court and assuming the judge will just believe your word over theirs. If the other party denies everything, it becomes a "he-said, she-said" situation, which is a coin toss in court.

The Fix: Treat this like a mini-trial. Bring three copies of everything:

• Screenshots of threatening texts or call logs.
• Photos of injuries or property damage.
• Police reports or medical records.
• Witnesses who actually saw or heard the abuse.
  Do not just show the judge your phone; they can’t take your phone into evidence. Print everything out. If you’re dealing with a contested divorce alongside the DVRO, this evidence is doubly important.

7. Forgetting About 'Rebuttable Presumption' (Family Code 3044)

Many people don't realize that a DVRO isn't just about a "stay away" order: it has massive implications for child custody.

The Mistake: Not understanding the power of California Family Code Section 3044.

The Fix: Under California law, if a judge finds that a parent has committed domestic violence against the other parent within the last five years, there is a "rebuttable presumption" that giving the perpetrator sole or joint physical or legal custody is detrimental to the best interest of the child. This is a high bar for the abuser to overcome. If you are a victim, getting a DVRO can be the single most important factor in protecting your children during a divorce.

Why You Need a No-Nonsense Advocate

The legal system doesn't give bonus points for being a nice person; it gives results to those who follow the rules and present the best evidence. Domestic violence cases are emotionally draining, and it is incredibly easy to miss a deadline or a form when you are just trying to survive the day.

At The Gorski Firm, we handle these cases with the compassion they deserve and the legal aggression they require. Whether you are filing for the first time or need to defend against a false allegation that is impacting your spousal support or custody rights, we are here to help you navigate the Bakersfield court system.

Don't let a procedural mistake put your safety at risk. If you’re ready to take the next step or just need to understand your options, let's talk.

Contact The Gorski Firm today to schedule a consultation and ensure your voice is heard in court.